woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
