there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
