cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize