Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
