I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
