I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
