I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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