im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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