and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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