my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
