remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
