i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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