Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
