It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
