I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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