i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
