I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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