So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
