Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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