Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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