Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm too high and old for this...
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