But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
