It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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