what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
