don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
