"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
