1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is Oprah even human
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
