Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
