ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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