Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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