I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
