I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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