I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
