At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
