You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
