overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
