I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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