shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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