I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
