You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
