OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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