Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
