i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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