so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please don't give away my fajitas
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
