you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
