Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
