i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
