...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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