Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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