sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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