You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
