Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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