Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
