They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
