it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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