But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
