im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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