I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
