Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They have beer where we have blood.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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