The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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