mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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