I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
